"What grace you give your words, and what good sense within! You have told your story with all a singer’s skill" - King Alcinous said to Odysseus.
Rachael, wishing you so much love and fulfilment!
The overwhelming majority of people tend to follow the herd, pursuing what's established and expected. They don't necessarily consciously reflect on what makes them happy, let alone pursue the road less travelled. I am so so happy that you are doing what makes you happy.
I read with great interest, because yesterday (after someone tried to metaphorically burn me alive) I was contemplating the exact same. So your words sung out to me. xx
Yours is the only Substack where I make sure to never miss an article; this one really knocked me over. So much you wrote is resonant with things I’m thinking about right now.
This in particular will stick with me
“It’s still somewhat common for people to believe firstly that there is no such thing as a real self, and secondly that any false self we have constructed is just as good as any purported real self could be anyway, when firstly, yes there is, and secondly, no it isn’t.
In fact I can tell you how I learned for sure that there is such a thing as a real and authentic self: I learned that it is possible to betray it.”
What can I say? I love you even though I barely know you. I'm so excited for your journey home and down the slopes and can't wait to read all about it.
In my recollection of 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader', Eustace has to viscerally rip and gnaw at one shame-infused layer of dragon skin after another, in order to win the prize of getting back to being himself. The physicality of that image has never left me.
That is a very salient metaphor. C.S Lewis is so frustrating to me in general and part of the reason for that is very good inclinations like this. (Also, The Silver Chair is sort of like "what if traversing the dead marshes, but eerily sexual", so I have to respect it.)
Great reflection. It's important that we all, at some point -the sooner the better after a certain age, I guess-, go through the weeds of our terrible selves; not many are that brave (and structured).
Making big changes that honor your inner truths is a hard road, but it sounds like you've reached hard-won new shores of self-knowledge plus had the rare courage to really act on what you've discovered, which makes me so happy to hear. Wishing you the best on the beautiful and terrifying journey.
as u know i have a lot of thoughts on ambition, lol
the etymology of the word is rooted in the same thing as ambulate– to walk around. it used to be about walking around to get votes or support for some initiative, to get into public office, that sorta thing
so i often think of healthy ambition as like, the desire to go out into the world in search of something good. the classic hero's journey is like, in search of an elixir that will heal/help/serve your people. Moana is probably the my favorite contemporary framing of this
and lately i've been thinking a lot about how like, ambition- the desire to walk around- is so much correlated with a dissatisfaction with where one is, and in the most intense cases, it's like... about feeling abandoned and unloved at home, and wanting to go out in search of that love. i sometimes feel that people dont point out enough how steve jobs and jeff bezos were both adopted, and how elon had bad relationships with his parents– tho idk if we can trust people to have thoughtful conversations about those things– tho maybe we must? i'm conflicted
but then i turn it on myself and like, yea, i never quite felt enough where i was, within my family, within my community, within my society. i always felt like i had to go out into the wider world and find out who i am away from those starting conditions, to be of service to people who appreciated it, to build something meaningful, to find companions on the road, and ultimately build a home of my own, for myself and for many of my fellow misfits and weirdos
another lil story of sorts i came up with that i really enjoy telling is like, ok suppose you're a hero on a quest to slay the dragon that is tormenting your village. that does not in any way give you the right to disrespect the kind old lady who asks you to help her find her frying pan (this is a real quest in The Witcher 3, lol). in fact the old lady IS the embodiment of the village, and if you disrespect her than the whole quest is for naught, since you have defaced the very thing which you claim you want to serve and protect. for some guys this is a "whoaaa" moment, like they got so swept up in the glory of dragon-slaying that they forget that the point is to be of service to those we love
anyway, my brain is too fried these days from caring for baby to write a well-thought out comment with proper context etc but i trust you'll read me correctly despite it
"in fact the old lady IS the embodiment of the village, and if you disrespect her than the whole quest is for naught, since you have defaced the very thing which you claim you want to serve and protect. " The way you phrased this is very much a woaaaaah moment! This is banging phrasing.
I thought of you when I was revising this piece because I know you're pro ambition -- and so am I -- we both are especially relative to where we came from socially / culturally. I'm proud of and happy about the ambition I displayed, but I also feel now that it was incomplete in a relatively subtle way. Not in the classical way of being a jerk or not trying to have a personal life, but in the much more difficult way of like, trying and failing to cultivate a feeling of home that I had really never had, of trying and failing to build deep experiences of love and fellowship with people and find it monumentally challenging and scary for reasons I did not understand. (Until relatively recently.) (And trying to understand that is now part of this quest.)
That, too, is not directly exposited in the piece I wrote above, but I trust you to see the connection.
yea the difficult thing is that pursuing any kind of greatness, even with the kindest and most generous of spirits, is intrinsically self-alienating. i wrote a story for myself once to try and feel better about it and it mostly worked, though the final answer was something like "seek kinship across space-time with all the others who have walked the same path in their own way": https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1093406813159022592
and of course my whole "friendly ambitious nerd" enterprise is a not-very-subtle project at finding and connecting such people in our lifetime, such that we can be at least somewhat at home in each other's company
"What grace you give your words, and what good sense within! You have told your story with all a singer’s skill" - King Alcinous said to Odysseus.
Rachael, wishing you so much love and fulfilment!
The overwhelming majority of people tend to follow the herd, pursuing what's established and expected. They don't necessarily consciously reflect on what makes them happy, let alone pursue the road less travelled. I am so so happy that you are doing what makes you happy.
Brava xxx
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU READ THIS FAST YOU ARE INCREDIBLE (actually I do think we have discussed this!) Brava to you as well, Alice, always.
I read with great interest, because yesterday (after someone tried to metaphorically burn me alive) I was contemplating the exact same. So your words sung out to me. xx
Much solidarity and condolences to you <3 And thank you so much for the kind words, Alice, you're always beyond generous.
Yours is the only Substack where I make sure to never miss an article; this one really knocked me over. So much you wrote is resonant with things I’m thinking about right now.
This in particular will stick with me
“It’s still somewhat common for people to believe firstly that there is no such thing as a real self, and secondly that any false self we have constructed is just as good as any purported real self could be anyway, when firstly, yes there is, and secondly, no it isn’t.
In fact I can tell you how I learned for sure that there is such a thing as a real and authentic self: I learned that it is possible to betray it.”
Thank you and good luck <3
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Anna <3 and for your very generous words.
All the best and happy new year!
Thanks for sharing, it rang true! Wishing you success in this journey.
"it rang true" is the highest honour. thank you.
What can I say? I love you even though I barely know you. I'm so excited for your journey home and down the slopes and can't wait to read all about it.
Thank you Gawain! :))
In my recollection of 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader', Eustace has to viscerally rip and gnaw at one shame-infused layer of dragon skin after another, in order to win the prize of getting back to being himself. The physicality of that image has never left me.
Wishing you peace in each pain-filled year.
That is a very salient metaphor. C.S Lewis is so frustrating to me in general and part of the reason for that is very good inclinations like this. (Also, The Silver Chair is sort of like "what if traversing the dead marshes, but eerily sexual", so I have to respect it.)
Thank you for this comment and this wish.
Great reflection. It's important that we all, at some point -the sooner the better after a certain age, I guess-, go through the weeds of our terrible selves; not many are that brave (and structured).
Making big changes that honor your inner truths is a hard road, but it sounds like you've reached hard-won new shores of self-knowledge plus had the rare courage to really act on what you've discovered, which makes me so happy to hear. Wishing you the best on the beautiful and terrifying journey.
Thank you :)!
Rachael, I am so deeply moved, inspired and I have so much appreciation. Thank you!
Like Alice said, I do also wish you love and fulfilment!
Thank you Renate, this wish is much appreciated. <3
as u know i have a lot of thoughts on ambition, lol
the etymology of the word is rooted in the same thing as ambulate– to walk around. it used to be about walking around to get votes or support for some initiative, to get into public office, that sorta thing
so i often think of healthy ambition as like, the desire to go out into the world in search of something good. the classic hero's journey is like, in search of an elixir that will heal/help/serve your people. Moana is probably the my favorite contemporary framing of this
and lately i've been thinking a lot about how like, ambition- the desire to walk around- is so much correlated with a dissatisfaction with where one is, and in the most intense cases, it's like... about feeling abandoned and unloved at home, and wanting to go out in search of that love. i sometimes feel that people dont point out enough how steve jobs and jeff bezos were both adopted, and how elon had bad relationships with his parents– tho idk if we can trust people to have thoughtful conversations about those things– tho maybe we must? i'm conflicted
but then i turn it on myself and like, yea, i never quite felt enough where i was, within my family, within my community, within my society. i always felt like i had to go out into the wider world and find out who i am away from those starting conditions, to be of service to people who appreciated it, to build something meaningful, to find companions on the road, and ultimately build a home of my own, for myself and for many of my fellow misfits and weirdos
another lil story of sorts i came up with that i really enjoy telling is like, ok suppose you're a hero on a quest to slay the dragon that is tormenting your village. that does not in any way give you the right to disrespect the kind old lady who asks you to help her find her frying pan (this is a real quest in The Witcher 3, lol). in fact the old lady IS the embodiment of the village, and if you disrespect her than the whole quest is for naught, since you have defaced the very thing which you claim you want to serve and protect. for some guys this is a "whoaaa" moment, like they got so swept up in the glory of dragon-slaying that they forget that the point is to be of service to those we love
anyway, my brain is too fried these days from caring for baby to write a well-thought out comment with proper context etc but i trust you'll read me correctly despite it
❤️
"in fact the old lady IS the embodiment of the village, and if you disrespect her than the whole quest is for naught, since you have defaced the very thing which you claim you want to serve and protect. " The way you phrased this is very much a woaaaaah moment! This is banging phrasing.
I thought of you when I was revising this piece because I know you're pro ambition -- and so am I -- we both are especially relative to where we came from socially / culturally. I'm proud of and happy about the ambition I displayed, but I also feel now that it was incomplete in a relatively subtle way. Not in the classical way of being a jerk or not trying to have a personal life, but in the much more difficult way of like, trying and failing to cultivate a feeling of home that I had really never had, of trying and failing to build deep experiences of love and fellowship with people and find it monumentally challenging and scary for reasons I did not understand. (Until relatively recently.) (And trying to understand that is now part of this quest.)
That, too, is not directly exposited in the piece I wrote above, but I trust you to see the connection.
yea the difficult thing is that pursuing any kind of greatness, even with the kindest and most generous of spirits, is intrinsically self-alienating. i wrote a story for myself once to try and feel better about it and it mostly worked, though the final answer was something like "seek kinship across space-time with all the others who have walked the same path in their own way": https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1093406813159022592
and of course my whole "friendly ambitious nerd" enterprise is a not-very-subtle project at finding and connecting such people in our lifetime, such that we can be at least somewhat at home in each other's company
OH MY GOD
especially this: https://x.com/visakanv/status/1093411134504222724?s=20
you just tweeted it out!!! But since I hadn't *had* this reckoning yet in 2019 I didn't see it.